Finally, I have the time to just write on the site again. This time around, it’s a little special.
[Slight Trigger Warning. Emotional stuff ahead]
Now before I get back to doing the usual reviews here, I just wanted to leave this personal post one more time. It’s a great way to close another chapter and just open a new one for the better.
Let me start off with this very simple question: How are you?
It’s obvious that this year hasn’t been great. Cancelled flights, travel plans postponed, and physical events are almost little to impossible. Like many people, it was really hard to wake up every day the past couple of months. The motivation to work was no longer present because of the fact that you can’t fly out because of the lockdown. Sure, there are many ways to bounce back and do other alternative stuff to keep going, but I miss the usual stuff.
I miss meeting people. I miss my friends, I want to see my partner, I miss the feeling of being in front row seats watching musicals, the loud noise of an anime convention hall. I fucking miss all of it.
Not only that I had to deal with the lockdown and restrictions. I also had to deal with my personal demons.
I had to deal with my never-ending battle of self-hate, oftentimes thinking and admitting that maybe my detractors were right: that I am a gutless piece of shit, that I don’t deserve someone else because I am an existing eyesore, and that I deserved to kill myself if ever my nth attempts of doing so were successful.
But here I am, writing all of this to you.
Very recently, I made peace with myself and made the right decisions moving forward. Old connections have become parts of my past that are best closed and no longer be part of a problematic emotional cycle of my life. While some are still trying to defend themselves and explaining their sides, I think those are irrelevant now. When you moved on and make peace, no one wins or loses. You just let go of everything and move on with your life. Never looking back on the people and experiences that hurt you.
Believe me, I learned it the hard way.
When you’re going through loss, remember that you must take time to heal and take all the damn time in doing so. Don’t blame yourself. It’s never your fault and that doesn’t matter anymore. Yes, cry all you want. Release the sadness.
But after you’ve done that, seek happiness. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a ray of sunshine on top of your head. You deserve love.
Sooner or later, you will be crawling out of the mud and rocky paths, reaching the peak, and find success. You will find a reason to sing, write, and dance again. You will find better things and better people that would make you whole again.
Everything is going to be alright.
If you’re still stuck in the mud right now and unsure of where to go, it’s okay. That ray of light is going to shine on you soon. You will find the reason to stand on your own two feet and believing in your own strength to keep going.
Right now, find joy in the little things. One day, someone is going to care, appreciate, and love you for being you. You will find friends who will comfort you and say the right words at the right time. You will make better connections, and you will be wise enough to let go of others that never helped you shine.
It doesn’t make any sense now, but someday it will. You will be okay again and I guarantee once this storm is over, you will realize that you have become a better person than you were before.
Right now, I want you to be happy. Seek happiness. Let go of everything that is hurting your heart, mind, soul, and start over. It’s going to be tough. But you are going to pull through.
Take Care of Yourself.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Feel free to leave a comment to share your thoughts here and on Facebook. I’m also on Twitter just in case you’re interested.